*I wrote this a few months ago and didn’t hit publish. I re-read it and it made me laugh. So here it is!*
When I met my husband I was twenty-five years old and mean. I was sharp and witty and funny and could eviscerate anyone’s looks and character with my quick brain and charming cackle. I was also, needless to say, hot. Size two and the kind of girl cute boys stopped on the streets to ask out on dates. I dated a German model in my 20s. Hi Fritz!
I spent my high school years a fat nerd—on the sidelines as a fly on the wall, who observed all the people living and caught up in dramas, in life, while I was just invisible and observing. Most people, I realized, were horrible. (There’s a similar line in the blockbuster hit Lessons in Chemistry that says this and once I read that I nodded and realized why that book was so popular.) Most people are awful. I learned that at a very young age, as an overweight bookish poor immigrant to this country.
And so the moment I could be one of the lucky ones—shallow, beautiful and mean, I did. It was fun. I once pitched an article to my editor by faxing a photo of a famous person I wanted to take down with the words I’d Sharpie’d across her forehead: WHORE!!! This earned me the nickname at the paper as “The ever generous Melissa de la Cruz.” BWHAHAHAHA! Thanks Sam! (I recently made your recipe for middle school tacos!)
But my then-boyfriend now-husband Mike didn’t like it. He said: why do you have to be so mean and make fun of people all the time? It’s not really you. I know you. You’re a kind person. (I am. I am the kindest in my best friend trio. Margie is smartest. Raf is cutest. I am kindest. I win.)
You know how some people make you a better person. Well my husband did. I changed. I became more generous with my assessments and something interesting happened. I made more friends. Not just the ones who sat with me on the couch at parties, making fun of people and complaining about the weak-ass drinks. Now I was in the mix, and I liked—well—everybody. I grew up. I learned how to be happy. (HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE! LIKE JET LAG!)
Slowly, I let go of all those past resentments…except for those I nurture like sweet baby roses through a hard winter.
The thing is, I will pretty much forgive anyone and everyone who’s wronged me since I met Mike.
But those who came before him???
NEVER!!!!!
I’ll never forget being dismissed and made to feel less than at such a vulnerable young age. Maybe I will never grow up. Maybe I should get over it.
But WHYYYYY????
When it’s so fun to be immature in this one aspect of life. ESPECIALLY when they want to be part of my fabulous life now. I smile. I accept the friend requests. I kiss hello. But somehow, favors they ask for are never granted. Somehow, I never do respond do I?
Perhaps I am busy. Perhaps I didn’t see the request, the ask, the email, the DM. I am after all, SOOOOOOO BUSYBUSYBUSY!!!! AND IMPORTANT!!!! SO IMPORTANT!!!
(Can you hear me cackling? I am so busy I watch HOURS of reality TV in my spare time lol)
SOOOOO BUSYYYYYY!!!!
Or perhaps the reason they don’t hear from me is because I am holding a grudge forever and like Taylor Swift sings (I’ll paraphrase my favorite song on TTPD)— I’ll forget but I’ll neeeeeveerrrrrr forgive—the smallest people who ever lived.
**Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I wish all your enemies coal in their stockings. BWAHAHAHAHA**
XOXO
Mel