My 17 year old recently got her driver’s license. As she pulled away for the first time without me or hubs on the passenger’s side (of my best friend’s ride trying to holla at me), I was suddenly struck by a wave of emptiness, sorrow and pride. I always knew I wanted kids. I wanted three - just like the family I came from. Because when you come from a happy family don’t you just want to replicate it? Except our journey was a little rockier and a bit harder and if you had told me at 25 that at 35 I would be a “geriatric” pregnancy I would have been floored. And so we only have one although we tried for more. One precious child means every milestone is deeply felt. She is applying to college this calendar year and I am already so sad.
When she pulled away, the car still had the STUDENT DRIVER sticker on the bumper. It reads STUDENT DRIVER: Thank you for your patience! She’s driving her own car now without the sticker, but mine still has her old sticker on it. I learned to drive at 33 years old lol and in many ways I’m still a student driver. I can barely parallel park. I often cut people off on the freeway (accidentally!) But with STUDENT DRIVER on my bumper, I’ve noticed I get beeped less. As I inch out of parking spots, I am no longer honked. No one follows me out of the freeway anymore, taps angrily on my window and says “OH MY GOD MA’AM YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DRIVER!” (You followed me to the Eagle Rock Filipino mall just to tell me this?") WHUT!
While I am a little embarrassed to be my age and driving around with a STUDENT DRIVER sticker, I am also kind of enjoying being treated with a little more patience?
Which made me think what if we all just thought of each other as student drivers of the world? That we are all amateurs in this school of life. Wouldn’t it be a nicer place? We can all be a little more patient, can’t we? What is the rush anyway?
Anyhoo, I am enjoying writing these little substacks. Here is a photo of my favorite pants recently. They are red High Sport pants and live up to the hype. I’ve been wearing them non-stop. Here with a fringed Faith Connexion suede jacket (the former Givenchy designers or Balmain I don’t remember, my shopper at Barneys (RIP) told me), a white t-shirt from my favorite store on Ventura, Stacey Todd (hottest LA style maven) and fifteen-year-old Valentino leopard print ballet flats from when ballet flats were a thing. I still have my old Lanvin which are older than my daughter lol. Hoarder much?
I am also hiding from a terrible deadline. This book is on draft five and I need to KICK! IT! INTO! SHAPE! So of course I am hiding from it.
It’s raining in LA now and everything is canceled. Keep dry and warm wherever you are!
XOXO
Mel
Thank you for this. I always enjoy seeing your happy family on Instagram, and will do so even more now that I know a little more of the backstory. We are also a family of three who had hoped to be a family of five, and I hear you on the milestones. I feel grateful to be so wide awake to how quickly time flies, but it is bittersweet none the less.